Trust

It's a crazy and tough world out there... you don't even know who to trust... not even your own bestfriend... you can only trust Allah...
Being a single lady, it is really a big challenge to have to go through obstacles in life on oneself. People may take advantage and naive ladies like myself would always be the victim. Plus being an orphan it makes it even tougher to get things done and always been left out. Friends who have their own husbands can share their thoughts, talk their heart and mind to their spouses to have a balance in life.
I remember a phrase...get married to complete your deen... yup, i suppose that is true as that completes the equation, i.e. the balance equation. All the creations of Allah are in pairs, they have partners for life.. and uniquely created in opposition just like our hands and legs. Can you walk if you only have one leg? Unless if you are using a walking stick then you can, i.e. you need to have a support. How about ladies who are still single and waiting for that one man who will complete their deen? How can they walk without support? Well, that's just an analogy. But in the real meaning, ladies need support in terms of love and care by those closest to them, like the father and mother. Even friends will not be able to take the place of a loving parent.
Sometimes, friends misunderstood your presence as someone who is desperate and needy in terms of finding true love and friendship. That makes single ladies feel that they need to take time by themselves and reflect on whatever that have happened.

People come and go... but Allah stay by your side as long as you put Him first.
in shaa Allah...

terasa hati bila trdengar.....

Assalamualaikum...

Behabuk dah blog ani... *sapu habuk*

Kadang terasa diri kerdil... sedih melanda...pabila...
Diri ini dikenali sebagai seorang yang berkebolehan dalam bidang Matematik...tapi...
anak2 buah gagal dalam bidang tersebut.... alangkah rasa sakit di hati bila rakan sejawat mengatakan pada rakan yang lain "banci ku si polan atu, inda pandai menjawab inda pandai pass maths sama add maths nya. Malas ku ia atu, pemalas taunya senyum saja..ish..." hmmm... rasa kecewa dalam hati...

Saya tak tinggal sebumbung pun dgn yang dimaksudkan... tapi sungguhpun atu, ia tetap anak buah ku... rasa gagal plang olen sebab kegagalannya atu... sudah pasti menjadi bualan rakan sejawat dan sejabatan... Ya Allah... Semoga timbul kesedaran di hati mereka...  Ya Allah... Sabarkan hati ini... :'(

Kegagalan seorang pelajar dalam sesuatu matapelajaran adalah tanggungjawab seorang Guru. Bilamana seorang guru gagal memanfaatkan waktu mengajar dengan pengisian yang bernas dan menyeronokkan, akibatnya pelajar tersebut akan tidak berminat mengikuti apa yang diajarkn dan dengan mudah berputus asa serta gagal dalam pelajaran tersebut. Seorang guru yang berfikiran positif tidak akan mengatakan kepada pelajar "Kamu semua akan gagal" atau "kamu tidak akan berjaya"! Sebaliknya, guru yang bertanggungjawab akan sentiasa membantu pelajarnya dengan mengatakan perkataan yang boleh memotivasikan pelajar2 untuk lebih berkeyakinan untuk Lulus dengan cemerlang!

Tiada apa yang mustahil dengan usaha dari kedua2 belah pihak. Amat menyedihkan bila guru hanya meletakkan beban "Lulus" atau "Gagal" tersebut di bahu pelajar saja. Sering didengar perkataan "Kamu yang kan periksa bukan cikgu!" Dengan nada yang marah dan konfiden, guru melepaskan perkataan tersebut pasti akan menghancurkan hati pelajar yang masih teramat memerlukan bantuan dari abiskita cikgu2... mereka akan rasa seperti asing, rasa hanyut dalam perahu tanpa enjin dan tanpa pengayuh. Kesal rasanya... kesian... bantulah mereka wahai guru...
berikan mereka kasih sayang dan perhatian semasa dalam kelas... bukanbermain h/p update status fb atau balas mesej WA! Astaghfirullah... semoga ada kesedaran wahai temanku guru...

Tanggungjawab itu amanah Allah... guru akn dipertanggungjawabkn nanti di akhirat tentang ilmu yang diajar walaupun ianya ilmu duniawi.. tetapi amanah itu adalah kewajipan guru... berusaha lah untuk ikhlas dan komited dalam menjalankan amanah tersebut... pelajar perlu bimbingan bukan cuma diajar subjek tapi lebih kepada pemahaman dan kejayaan untuk menjadi cerdik pandai bagi membantu masa depan mereka..

Besarnya dugaan seorang guru bila perkara sedemikian berlaku pada diri... ikhlaskan hati dan fikirkan positif...

second day of syawal 1435H....

morning begins with a smile on everyone at home, i.e. me, mum and my brother...

i saw mum prepared the gravy for mee jawa.... and then prepared the gravy for laksa...

Mum cooked the mee hoon and mee kuning.... prepared everything... by 9 a.m. everything was ready and set on the living room table...

my cousin came with her family as they were going back to bandar, usually she will drop by our house...

mum was happy to entertain the guests... they left around 10+ a.m.

after that, no one showed up... until around 9.45 p.m.

and i told mum that nobody will eat the food she prepared 12 hours earlier as it was already quite late at night and i was sure that everybody was full if anyone comes to the house...

so i told our amah to just put everything the dishes back to the kitchen...

well, mum was already in the living room and the kitchen downstairs when i got down to assist the amah... mum was kinda mad a me when she shouted in her anger "BUANG SAJA SEMUA"... and i was shocked when she spilled that out to my face... in her anger...

hmm... what did i do that makes her mad? was it my fault that nobody turned up to our house today?
did i asked her to cook for today? No! I didn't do anything... she prepared everything by herself...
I was not part of the cooking...

and sadly, yesterday.... she also cooked laksa and prepared everything in a hope that someone will turn up and eat the food.... well, mum's siblings came after 8.30 p.m. and everybody was already full after eating at my mum's younger brother's house... hmm... the same routine every year....

this is sad... mum lost her husband, my father two years ago and mum's siblings are not even supportive of my mum's loss.... they simply close one eye and put mum the LAST ONE to visit....
i feel sad and it really hurts that another younger brother of my mum has not came to visit her and it is already the second day of raya... mum is the eldest of all siblings.. she TOOK CARE of her younger siblings, fed them, bathed them, while mum was also taking care of my elder brothers and sisters.... how could they treat mum like this????

mum is the eldest, they should treat her as their 'mum' and not as someone least important...
similarly, my late father was the eldest in his family.... but the same thing happens...

is it fated that they both not really accepted by their family?
Just because mum got married early to my dad, does that mean that they should shift away from mum or dad? hmm.... i just don't understand...

other people have Tua laki, Tua bini and nenek... they visited them first.... but i guess they have forgotten the hierarchy in a family tree... so disappointing.... but this is a true fact...

but in all, the one who has to face this is ME.... i had to swallow everything... who am i to deserve this? hmm....

sama seperti selalu....

everything is the same like always....

tiada yg istimewa...

i guess nobody ever cares as much as i do...

two years passed and things were getting worse...

no more text messages....

only 3-lines of replies....

silence.... is torture....

friendship was thrown away just because i was considered as someone he was forced to befriend...

kesian aku.... selalu kena cemani...

well... what ever did i do to deserve this....???

sabar tah saja....

:'(

Tarawih

Assalamualaikum...

Salam Ramadhan.....

Alhamdulillah.... baru usai solat tarawih bersama ibu tercinta.. biar pun kami berdua saja di rumah, tetapi ibadah sunat tidak dilupakan disamping ibadah solat wajib.

Semoga segala ibadah kami diterima Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala.... amiin ya rabbal alamiin..

Sabar

Expect the unexpected! Banyak hal yang berlaku tidak kita ketahui mengapa ianya berlaku, tetapi kita perlu tahu bahawa setiap yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya.

Apa yang perlu kita lakukan ialah memohon doa pada Allah agar kita sentiasa mendapat rahmat dan perlindungan dari Nya dan kita sentiasa bersyukur dengan apa yang dikurniakan pada kita. Ucaplah Alhamdulillah ikhlas dari hati, semoga kita beroleh keberkatan dalam setiap ibadah dan tugas serta tanggungjawab yang diamanahkan kepada kita.

Sepanjang melalui kursus kepimpinan selama beberapa sesi, saya merasai lebih banyak ilmu yang masih belum dipelajari dan saya sering muhasabah diri. Ya Allah, terasa amat cetek ilmu di dada ini. Ingin sangat saya meneruskan pembelajaran ke peringkat yang lebih tinggi, tetapi apakan daya hasrat sekali lagi tidak tercapai. Mungkin ada perkara yang lebih penting yang perlu dilaksanakan, hanya Allah yang maha mengetahui.

Saban hari memohon padaNya agar diberikan limpah kurniaan rezeki dalam pelbagai bentuk, ilmu, serta jodoh. Mungkin belum tiba masanya untuk sampai ke tahap itu. Memang sesuatu yang sangat diharapkan agar dipertemukan dengan pasangan yang beriman. Insha Allah. 

Dugaan demi dugaan harus ditempuhi dan hati perlu banyak bersabar. Bukan sekali dua kegagalan, tetapi berulangkali. Menyedari hakikat ini, diri ini perlu sering muhasabah diri, mungkin banyak kesilapan dan dosa yang dilakukan, mohon agar taubat diterima serta tidak mengulangi lagi. Hati ini merasakan ingin berubah ke arah yang lebih baik, kerana diri merasa tidak sempurna dan penuh dengan ketidaksempurnaan. 

Semoga hijrah hati ke arah yang lebih baik akan lebih diterima dengan baik dari pelbagai pihak yang cuma memandang sebelah mata pada insan yang kerdil ini. Bersyukur dan redha dengan setiap ketentuannya, agar hati lebih tenang dan sentiasa memelihara diri. Ya Allah, bantu lah hamba Mu ini dalam mengharungi setiap ujian. Amin ya rabbal alamiin.

Sendiri

Sedih hati ini mengenangkan pemergian ayah tercinta...
Ibu tinggal sendirian....
Aku terus memikirkan tentang diriku....
Yang masih sendiri.....

Ya Allah.... Mohon pada Mu.... Jangan biarkan aku sendirian di dunia yang fana ini...
Berikan aku seorang pasangan yang beriman... untuk menemani ku dunia hingga akhirat...
Aamiiin yaa rabbal 'alamiin....